happiness.

This was originally going to be a facebook post but as I typed my "status update" I quickly realized it needed to be more...

 

It all started with this quote:

"I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve".
 

I happened upon it on my FAVORITE blogger CjaneKendrick's blog. She's amazing by the way. It's a Jane Austen quote from "Pride and Prejudice" and it's brilliant. Those words jumped off the page and hit me like a ton of bricks and immediately that seemingly simple quote had answered the questions I had been tirelessly swirling through my head all day.

 

Lately my life has been crazy and full of change. Some good, some not so good. All in all I truly feel like I'm very lucky, that I'm right where i need to be in my life right now and that I should be beaming with happiness and joy! I found an amazing man who treats me like I've always wanted to be treated, two children who depend on me and love me with all their hearts, lots of friends and family who love me, who are there for me when I need them and Blake is doing so good and learning so many new things. Most things are really great. Others, not so much. Being a single parent isn't all it's cracked up to be and I am finding it to be extremely difficult and exhausting and there are days that I can't wait until those little crazies are in bed so that I can have five minutes to myself or with my boyfriend before I pass out (literally). There are some other things going on too that are pretty stressful and no, life is not perfect but really, whos life is?

For the most part I feel like I should be happy... but I'm not. It's hard to even type that, to admit it out loud. I wouldn't say I'm "depressed" or anything like that, I don't need medication, something has just changed. I'm not overjoyed like I was, maybe even a month ago. Why am I feeling this way? I was asking myself this today. Whats wrong with me?  Why can't I just be content?? I honestly feel that maybe somewhere deep inside my subconscious, I don't feel I deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to have a great life. Why do I not deserve it? I have no idea. I think much like the quote I need to learn to be content with being happy and even though I feel I don't really deserve it, maybe I do?

 

 

2013, A "to do " list

I decided to come up with a "to do" list for 2013. It's not something I usually do or have ever done for that matter, but I have a feeling this is going to be a good year for me and I wanna try to stick to some of these small goals to make it even better. Maybe making them public will help me do it?!

1. Learn to Crochet and/or knit

This is something that up until recently I had little interest in. But lately I've been thinking about hobbies and the fact that I have very little. I love to be creative and crafty so I figured this would be right up my alley. Plus I can make cool stuff for myself and others! My Grandmother was and Aunt still is really good at it, so I figure it must be in my blood somewhere. I even decided to start a "stitch n bitch" so my friends and I can perfect our skills together while doing some hardcore girl talk!I can't wait to get started!

2. Get in shape

I really just need to eat better. My blood sugar needs to be lower, my cholesterol is high an I need to lose 15 pounds to be at the appropriate weight for my height. I'm not happy about it, I'd rather eat donuts, cupcakes and pizza every day like a true fatty but I just can't anymore.I realize that I'm getting older and I need to get healthy to make sure I'm here for my kids. Wish me luck!

3.Spring cleaning/organizing!

This is mainly a garage project but the house could use it also. time to get rid of some major junk.


4.Blog More

I'm working on it! It feels good and I love to do it but I'm a huge procrastinator so sometimes even when I have a half hour to sit down and blog I don't.

5. Bake More

I love to make cupcakes, cakes, etc. and don't do it enough. Although this my not be a good idea in regards to #2.


6. Read more books

I would like to read at last two, maybe three. They may be only autobiographies but at least I'll be reading.

7. Travel More

I just wanna go places with Eric really. It's my favorite thing to do.

8. Do the Fresno Autism Walk

I missed last years so cant wait to do it this year and hopefully raise lots of money for a cause thats now very near and dear to my family and I.


Well, there it is. There are a few other things I would like to do this year, much bigger things I would like to do but I think I will keep a few things to myself.

On a side note:

It's crazy how much more you appreciate a child's ability to talk and communicate once you have a child who is unable to do it. I'm so very proud of my son. He has improved SO much just in the last month. I see a new light in his eyes and I'm so excited for the months to come and all the new things he will say and do. He talks more and more everyday and even though he has a lot of work to do in other areas his ability to communicate improves daily. He truly amazes me.

We've been going to our favorite park a lot lately and Blake loves it!  We usually pick up cousin Jude and Auntie heather on the way. We're lucky because in January here it's still sunny and warm enough to be outside most days. Maybe not so lucky in July when its 110 degrees though.

Park Pics:

 

 

 

 

 

Til next time.
xoxo

Better late than never! (New Years/Birthday post)

First, let me just say that this blog has taken me FOREVER to write!! Hopefully it makes some sort of sense. I've found that stopping and then starting again does not produce good results but I'm not much of a "writer" anyway, so whatever. I mainly do this as a way to journal with pictures and to get all of the thoughts that pile up in my brain on a daily out of my head (at least a little). So anyway HERE is the blog that I started a week ago and finally just had time to finish..

I've been dying to blog lately but have been SO busy. Busy in a good way mostly. My life is so full right now and I truly for the first time in my life feel like "the lucky one".  I am also finally feeling half human again after being consumed by whatever this horrible sickness is that's been going around. Thank goodness for antibiotics!

So Happy New Year! I spent my new years eve in Long Beach with Eric, his BFF Haig and his lovely girlfriend Marissa. We rang in the New Year at a place called "Alex's bar" while watching The Aggrolites perform. It was a great night filled with dancing, drinks and love. I can honestly say that a year ago I never would have imagined that Id be ringing in 2013 with the man of my dreams, in Long Beach, watching the Aggrolites play. It's mind blowing what a difference a year makes.

Alex's Bar has a photo booth so OF COURSE I had to partake.

 I don't know who that dude is on the left. Photo bomb!

Marissa, Eric and Haig

Happy New Year!

New Years day was spent driving around Los Angeles. We drove through Beverly Hills (which I'd never seen), went to Melrose and had breakfast at Vienna Cafe which was delicious but has the worst service EVER, it was so bad that it was comical. After that we decided to head over to The Grove and check out the shops and Farmers Market. There were so many different little shops and yummy smelling food at the farmers market, I cant wait to go back!

 

 

      

 



Eric at the farmers market in an actual phone booth!                           HOLLYWOOD

CBS Lot

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After hitting up the Grove we drove up to the LA Observatory at Griffith park. My favorite thing about that place was the amazing view!

The Observatory from the bottom

Eric and I in front 

Marissa and I at the top! The Hollywood sign was behind us.

Even higher up! It was SO beautiful up there.

And so ended our First full day in LA. It was awesome. That night we at at Jimmy's deli and then went to Barney's Beanery for  a couple early birthday drinks. They were super nice there and one of the bartenders was an actor who I actually recognized, it was strange. He was wearing a shirt that read "death to hipsters" or something along those lines so he and I hit it off instantly! ha.

The next day (our last day) was my birthday so Eric took me to the Santa Monica Pier, which I loved. Being able to see the ocean for my birthday was really cool AND I even got to see a dolphin! After that we ate at a neat British pub and headed home! I think one of the most favorite parts of our trip was actually the drive home. We made a couple of stops off the grape vine. One was at this water  education center which had an observation deck with a really pretty view, I forget the name though and the other was at Fort Tejon to see the grave of Peter Lebec who was killed by a grizzly bear. There is a Clamper monument there so Eric was excited about it. It's a neat park where they used to have civil war reenactments and such but I heard that because of funding they don't do much there anymore.

SANTA MONICA

WATER EDUCATION CENTER/PIONEER LAKE

 FORT TEJON

Peter Lebecs Grave

 

Clamper Monument

Gravesite

Cant wait for the next adventure!

Happy Weekend!